The Comparison Deception

February 8, 2014

From the moment our children are born, we do it. “How much did your baby weigh?” “When did she start to roll over?” “My child can say over 30 words, and he is only 6 months old!”

Well, it is natural to want to know how everyone else is doing. It gives us some benchmarks to know when our children might be doing them. We find out from our doctors that the majority of children get their first teeth at around 6 months of age. So when our children hit 8 or 10 months and still don’t have any teeth, we begin to get concerned. We want to make sure they are developing well and we are giving them all they need to be healthy and happy. That is completely normal.

But we also need to know that some children don’t get their first teeth until 18 months of age, and others are born with teeth (I DO feel for the nursing mom on this one)! But, it’s really OK. It’s OKAY!

Yet the questioning game begins and continues throughout their lives.

“Is your daughter potty trained?”

“He writes cursive now?”

“She speaks three languages at the age of seven?”

With the answer to each of these questions, we think to ourselves, “My child isn’t doing that yet.”

And we worry.

We forget that every child is made completely unique from each other. That is an amazing and beautiful thing. Everyone develops and grows a little differently. I have learned with my four children that I can use what each of them has done as a guideline for what to expect with the next one, but I cannot freak out when I get surprised by a different time schedule. (Yes, if any delays go excessively long, we can bring those concerns to a physician or specialist, but I’m talking about general differences in development that still scare us moms).

Let’s step back from the comparison trap and get some perspective. Is it really that important that he gets potty trained at 18 months? Yes, the diaper bill will be decreased, but the fact that he is trained at 18 months or 3 years (or 4) will not affect him when he gets to college or starts his first job. Relax. Unless there is a physical issue, he will be potty trained before he gets to high school. There shouldn’t be bragging rights on this issue.

But we need to realize that when our child advances in an area, if we proudly announce it to others (translate: brag about it), we fill some mamas with stress and fear. Their children just aren’t there yet.

And, really, do we actually think that growing teeth quickly or writing letters sooner makes our children somehow better than others? I mean, yes, be proud of your son’s aim into the toilet. Cheer him on! But realize that we need to rejoice in our children because they are blessings in themselves. And other children are blessings to their parents (and to us as well). Rejoice in all of them. Encourage those moms who are concerned with some of those things and realize that we ALL fall into that comparison deception that makes us think we are not doing as well as others.

In the grand scheme of things, these are non-issues. Did you know that there is no place on a resume or college application for “Age potty trained” or “Date learned how to read”? Don’t spend time comparing what your children are doing with others. Focus on the more important issues. Focus on reaching their hearts. On showing them how valuable they are in God’s eyes (and yours). Focus on encouraging other moms on their journey with their family, too. It is not a race, and it only causes damage or poor feelings in those around us.

Your children are growing exactly the way their bodies were designed to grow. Revel in that and enjoy it. Pay attention to the things you can begin to train: their hearts, their character, their understanding that you love them.

Don’t be deceived by comparison!

Purpose to encourage your children!

February 6, 2014

We do it everyday. We want to train our children well; we want to teach them how to do things correctly; we are concerned that they use the right words with the right motivation. So we correct them. We do it all the time. Sometimes that seems to be all that we ever say to them.

“No, you can’t throw your toys like that.”

“Honey, you don’t say, ‘I gots it.’ You say ‘I got it.’”

“Don’t say things like that to your sister. It hurts her feelings.”

“That math problem is wrong. You do it this way.”

You get the point.

But we do all this out of a desire to help our children learn, grow and become well-educated adults. Is that wrong? Of course not. However if that kind of correction – even gentle correction – is all they hear each day, they begin to feel like everything they do will need to be fixed. They may not feel like trying.

It is very easy to find the incorrect things our children do. And of course, we need to instruct our children when we see them making mistakes.

But it is much harder to remember to praise them for the things they are doing that are correct. It requires effort and purpose. We need to seek out the right things they are doing and praise them for it. You just don’t know how powerful your words can be to your children. A kind word of encouragement lifts them up and makes them feel able.

Make a point today to seek out something good you see your children doing and let them know about it.

“You were so kind to let your brother play with your toy.”

“I am impressed at how quickly you learned those spelling words!”

Do it each day. And don’t just look for things they have no control over. Saying you are so pretty doesn’t speak to their character or their abilities. Look for behaviors, skills, heart issues and praise them! It will empower them and fill them up!

Let Your Kids Play! The importance of adding play in your curriculum for K-12 (A Free Curriculum of Play included for your reading pleasure!)

February 3, 2014

It goes without saying that children love to play. They begin exploring things around them when they are infants: grasping, mouthing and staring. This is how they learn. I remember nearly anything that came near my young toddlers (including the dog) would invariably end up in their mouths! As they grow, children need to continue to play in order to learn how our world works. You know what happens when you put a little one in a high chair. It suddenly becomes a place to learn about gravity. Cheerios, spoons, bowls, sippy cups and a whole host of items are tested to see what happens when they are dropped from the chair. Though it causes moms to cringe when a plate of spaghetti hits the floor, we need to realize that this is a fun and educational thing! Yes, yes…it is a mess, too.

Well, it is just as important for us to include opportunities for students to play during their school day. Their brains are wired to experiment with things around them. Young minds can focus for short periods of time but then need time to process that information. Play gives them time to act out and test things they are learning.

It gives children a time to expend some of that pent-up energy. It allows them to use their outside voices and jump and climb. Studies have shown that children NEED these opportunities not only to build their bodies, but also their mental capabilities. Board games can build math skills as students try to add the numbers on dies and on cards. Playground time gives them a chance to role play some of the stories they have read. I remember my boys often re-enacting Robin Hood in our backyard fort.

And I’m talking about ALL ages. Even high school students need time to play. They need thinking time – time to use some of their new skills. Incorporate themed play into your older children’s schedule. Use strategy games when you are learning about world wars, film a scene from a novel they are reading (or they can write their own!), play a video game set during the time in history you are studying.

So here is a Curriculum of Play containing some obvious play activities and some not-so-obvious (the asterisks indicate possible parent oversight- you need to decide what is appropriate):

Am I telling you something you didn’t already know? No, probably not. But sometimes we get so bogged down in our academics that we forget that play is just as important. Don’t let your children miss these times. It will make them happier, healthier, AND smarter. You are not doing a disservice to them when you let them have creative time.

And if you need to, plan play time as a subject – something to check off your list. That may help you see this as progress in your day instead of time away from their school work. And perhaps YOU may want to enjoy some of this play time with them. You know, it is educational for you, too. You can learn more about what your children love to do. Let them pretend along with you. Ask them why they are doing things. Play a board game or card game with them. Let older ones teach you the rules to a new game they are enjoying. Your children will revel in the time you are spending with them and you will have sweet memories!

Chicken Pesto Pasta with Spinach

January 31, 2014

It’s interesting how sometimes things just fall together. Yesterday afternoon I was staring at some defrosted chicken breasts, not knowing what to do with them for dinner. I put them in a skillet to cook and then rummaged through my cupboards and my fridge, looking for things to add.
Well, once it was done, I was happy to hear the “Mmm’s” of my family while they were eating it. And you know how honest your kids can be. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard, “Mom, what are those black things? I don’t like black things.”

This quick, seat-of-my-pants dish was so easy, healthful and well received that I shared a photo in my newsfeeds. Because there were so many comments asking for the recipe (which is embarrassingly easy), I decided to share it with all of you. I have three “hefty” eaters in my home, along with me and my daughter, so I make camp-sized meals. If you want to cut the ingredients in half, it should work well, too.

01 31 14 Chicken Pesto Pasta

5 chicken breasts
1 tbsp coconut oil or olive oil
1 medium bag fresh spinach
¾ cup pesto (homemade or in a jar)
6 plum tomatoes, diced and seeded
1 bag rice pasta – orzo

Sautee chicken in oil in a skillet on medium temperature. In a saucepan, boil water for pasta and cook according to directions on package. Once chicken is cooked through, remove it from the pan and cut it into chunks. Add chicken to pan again and add pesto sauce and spinach. Cook on medium to medium-low, stirring occasionally until spinach is wilted. Add tomatoes and cover for a few minutes so they can cook down.

When the pasta is done cooking, pour it into a strainer and run hot water through it. This removes some of the extra starch that makes rice pasta sticky. Add pasta to skillet, stir well and serve. Feeds 6 hearty eaters.

Is Being “Just” a Mom Enough?

January 27, 2014

I bumped into an old friend from high school over the holidays. We hadn’t seen each other in decades, so we began catching up. “What are you doing with yourself?” she asked.  I paused. Then I began, “Well, I’m a stay-at-home homeschool mom…”

I didn’t stop there; I felt I had to continue, “…but before that I worked as a marine biologist, and now I am writing and…”

After we said our polite goodbyes and happy hugs, I went back over our conversation and wondered, “Why did I feel like I had to add to who I was and what I have been doing all these years? Was being a mom not enough?”

Am I just doing the ordinary?

Well, I had to fall back on the fact that I knew God was calling me to be at home when our first child was born. I knew it would be the best thing for him and for our family if I was there every day.

Changing diapers and reciting the ABC’s sounds ordinary. So why did I think it was the best? Well, as I have learned over the years, I need to have a perspective that is in line with God’s perspective.

I have learned that God has a perfect plan that spans time. His plans often are not on our time table. They take work. They often require us to learn some things along the way.

Our great nation began by people who understood this. They knew that greatness comes from goodness. They understood the value of faith, family, hard work – Biblical ideas. They understood that the future hinged on the young ones they were bringing up. They were creating a nation for the generations to come. Their efforts, then, hinged on the PERSON, not the accomplishment. And these principles brought fruit; they brought our country to greatness. But it took time.

When my children were younger, I would always have them help me begin a small garden each spring. We cleared out the plot of land, prepped the soil, and planted the seeds. They watered, weeded, and waited. And waited. And waited.

They had to learn that true fruit doesn’t come overnight. It takes fertilizing, watering, weeding, pruning, and waiting. It requires patience. It is dirty. It makes you sweat.

I worked to train my little ones to bear great fruit. But I needed to realize that it took time. I would have dirt under my fingernails, spit up on my shoulder, sweat on my brow. Sometimes I would think that nothing was sprouting. I would get tired. I would work day-in and day-out, often on my hands and knees, cleaning, cooking, training, encouraging. Again and again and again.

But I need keep focusing on the goal. Realizing that this is for the long haul and it is worth it. Knowing that it is the tiny little pushes in conjunction with one thousand other pushes that makes a difference. It is not one successful moment of obedience. It isn’t knocking out the housework by Wednesday.

What makes the remarkable is the principle of hard work – keeping our home, caring for our children, grocery shopping (without our coupons, because we forgot them at home) – firmly relying on God’s providence, determined to establish our family, grounded in truths of Scripture.

When we talk of world changers, we often focus on big events: wars, discoveries, notable speeches. But the real world changers in history are those who minded their homes, tended their gardens, kept their families. They then raised up another generation that valued the Biblical ideals of hard work and poured into the generations to come.

This is not taught in a day. And it is not extraordinary at face value. It appears small, not blingy.

BUT the things of this world are foolishness to God, and God’s wisdom seems foolish to men. You see, God often takes the least, the last, the most unlikely and raises them up not to just make a difference, but to change the world.

God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things in the lives of others.

When our children take their education and apply it with wisdom, they can transform our culture and be leaders in our world. THIS is the importance of being “just” a mom. We need to see what God sees.

Yes, it can be painful; it will stretch us; it will keep us up at night. But it will result in children with a passion to be a part of something remarkable God has for them.

That is the extraordinary part of ordinary. You see, sometimes excellence looks blingy and exciting, like a Bach concerto or a Renoir masterpiece. But most of the time it doesn’t. However it always, ALWAYS looks like Jesus’ sacrificial ways – a giving up of oneself.

In God’s eyes, what we see as menial is truly meaningful. What we see as unremarkable is remarkable. There is something in the slow, day-to-day process of wiping noses, doing laundry, quizzing spelling, hugging your husband that goes beyond the ordinary.

Building one day at time on those endeavors is what makes it extraordinary.

One of the Best Things You Can Do to Prepare Your Children for a Job

January 21, 2014

I recently read an article by the TIME Magazine folks that echoes what I have been encouraging parents for quite some time.

They discuss findings that show why so many students upon college graduation are unable to obtain or hold down a job. The students have the diploma. They are likely skilled in their career choice. But they are missing a key component to success: Character.

Really? Is character so important? What if they have crazy computer skills and stellar grades? Won’t that be enough for a good job? It turns out that there is a critical component employers are looking for in employees that is often not taught on college campuses.

I was just as surprised about this realization several years ago. My children were in their early teens and pre-teen years. We had had an exceptionally difficult morning. The children were behaving sluggishly, they were bickering (yes, we are a normal family!), they were just giving me the bare minimum of the work required.

“Okay, honey. Can you write a sentence that includes a subject and a verb?”

(Writing sloppily) “John jumped.”

Well, can you expand on that? “John jumped high.”

Sigh…

I was frustrated, and I wanted to bring home to them the importance of doing everything to the best of their ability. Giving their all. Working hard.

So I pulled out the newspaper’s professional classified ads. Yes, as recently as ten years ago the newspaper was the best way to find available jobs. I gave each of them a highlighter and asked them to search the ads, looking for character traits that employers wanted in employees. Things like punctual, hard-working, energetic.

After about twenty minutes of scouring their sections of the paper, we all stepped back to see what they found – and it was amazing! It turned out that nearly every ad included at least one character trait. Yet, more importantly, we noticed that those traits were mentioned in the ad BEFORE the skills were.

The ads read something like this, “Wanted. Hard-working, energetic computer programmer with problem-solving skills. Must have at least two years of programming in…etc.”

Why? Why is character so important in the workplace? Well, look at it from an employer’s point of view. Say you have two potential employees. The first is extremely skilled with all the abilities you need for the job, yet she was fired from her last job for poor performance and not showing up to work. The second potential employee is not up to speed on the skill set you need but has been proven to be exceptional in his character – shows up to work on time, works very hard, tries his best.

Which do you choose? Well, if you pick the one with poor character, it doesn’t matter how many skills she has, when or if she shows up for work she will not be working hard for you. She may try to cut corners and will not be productive.

But the other one will do his best to learn whatever you need him to do. Even though he is lacking in some skills, he will work hard to gain them.

It is easy to train an employee who wants to learn and will put his all into the job, but it is nearly impossible to train an employee in character.

That doesn’t stop companies from trying. There are hundreds of organizations that exist just to serve large Fortune 500 companies, giving seminars that stress the importance of character.

But character comes as a result of years of training and modeling. It is more of a heart change. It comes from day-by-day influence.

Something you are doing with your children right now.

So, yes, it is important to make sure you are covering all the academic bases in your child’s education. But remember that by building character in them, you are giving them the BEST chance to do well when they enter the workplace and the world!

Organization Tip – Hanging Sweaters

January 18, 2014

I have seen this idea floating around the Internet, and I thought I would finally try it for myself. Living in Florida, we don’t often have need to wear lots of sweaters, but I always like it when I can hang clothes versus folding them and storing them in drawers. You know what eventually happens; your kids will pull the sweater out from the bottom of the stack, thus unfolding and messing up all the stacked sweaters on top of it. Then the drawer won’t close, and you have to pull everything out and refold it in order to keep the clothes from getting wrinkled…

Well, you get the picture. That’s why I like to hang clothes whenever I can.

But sweaters are difficult to hang because the hangars leave dents in the shoulders, causing the sweaters to become misshaped. You put them on, and you have these little sweater-dents.

This new method of hanging sweaters makes me so happy, because it gets rid of the sweater-dent plague and keeps bulky sweaters from taking up precious drawer space. Win-win!

So here is how you do it:

Lay the sweater on a table. Then fold it in half lengthwise.

Place the hangar so that the hook is in the armpit space and one hangar arm crosses over the sweater arm while the other hangar arm crosses over the body of the sweater (a picture is worth a thousand words…).

Fold the sweater arm and body over the arms of the hangar.

Then hang up and enjoy the organization beauty!

This makes me so happy! I hope you try it out and free up some drawer space. Lovely!

Two More Arms in Our Galaxy (but does it have eyes in the back of its head?)

January 15, 2014

Milky way galaxy

What has a disc, four arms, spurs and is full of gas? Our Milky Way galaxy, of course. Well, we thought it had only TWO arms until recently.

Since 2008, scientists believed our Milky Way galaxy, the one in which our solar system resides in the universe, had two arms. But after observing images from NASA’s Spitzer Space Telescope, they now have a better idea of what our galaxy looks like.

A galaxy is made up of millions of stars and the systems that orbit those stars. Our sun is one of those stars. In fact, scientists have charted the stars in our galaxy and have determined that we are located near a small, partial arm called the Orion Arm, or Orion Spur, located between the Sagittarius and Perseus arms.  You can see our location in the galaxy image above.

spitzer space telescope

The millions of stars in the Milky Way galaxy form a central, densely populated disc.  There are also two thick arms filled with stars and gases, spiraling out from the disc, along with two smaller arms.

Why didn’t we see those two smaller arms sooner? Well, it is a little difficult to observe our galaxy, looking from the inside out, but thanks to our perfect location on a smaller arm, and using super telescopes like the Spitzer scope, we ARE able to see what is located around us pretty well. Scientists can figure out our galaxy’s shape based on other stars’ locations and their distances from us.

Yet, if our sun was located inside one of the major arms or in the central disc, we would not be able to see beyond the thousands of surrounding stars. We would be unaware of not only our own galaxy but the other thousands and thousands of galaxies in our universe.

Our perfect location gives us this window-seat view of the universe. We are able to behold its vastness and the glorious expanse of Creation!

I am not getting it all done; Homeschooling multiple children & multiple subjects

January 13, 2014

“I am not getting it all done…”

That’s what she said to me the other day. A mom who had recently begun homeschooling her four children was telling me how she had been struggling to find the time to cover every subject with every child every day.

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard moms say this sentence over the years. It is understandable. We have to cover subjects that go from reading and writing to foreign language, math, science, history and then to music, art and computer. For those of us with several children, it can be even more challenging, trying to meet all the instructional needs of each grade level every day.

No wonder we can’t seem to fit it all in. I know I struggled with this a lot when my children were younger. I had had four children in a period of six years. I was daily spending time trying to teach one to read, work with another on his cursive writing, introduce fractions to a third, and gather materials for a science experiment for the fourth.

Every day.

You know. Like the guy in the circus who has those long poles with spinning plates balanced on top of each one. As one plate slows down and begins to wobble, the guy has to run to it and twirl it around again, just in time to run to the next one and keep it spinning. One after the other after the other.

I was spinning homeschool plates each day, going from one child to the other to the other, and by the end of the day I always felt like I had done a lot of work, but accomplished very little. Some subjects always seemed to fall by the wayside. No rubber bands in the cabinet? Well, I guess we can’t do the science lab today – maybe tomorrow. You didn’t finish your math problems? We can work on it together in the morning while everyone else is getting dressed.

I wondered if I would ever be able to do it all. Then one day I didn’t wonder any more. I realized that I would NOT be able to do it all! There is absolutely NO WAY we can do it all. Does that surprise you to hear me say that?

I just figured out that I would never be able to teach everything about everything to my kids. No one ever learns everything about everything in school.

Does this mean that my kids were not going to have a complete education? Of course not. Though it was likely that we would not be covering 13th century ancient Chinese history or the string theory of physics, I didn’t have to stress about it. If I taught my children to love learning and how to learn, then I would be giving them the best possible education. They would be gaining a way to educate themselves.

Of course, I consolidated subjects whenever I could, and I highly recommend that for families. Whenever possible, we would cover the same history or science together, and I would give different assignments to the children based on their abilities. Then we would all come together and present what we had done  – from illustrations, to short stories, to reports or even plays – they were all about the same subject, and we would all learn a bit more by hearing what everyone else did.

I taught my children to use reference materials, do safe internet searches, and we spent hours at a time in the library, enjoying the adventure of hunting down information. I even broke down the word “research” into its prefix “re” and the root “search,” telling my kids that it was an adventure to “search out” information hidden in the texts around us. One of my sons was so energized by the idea of research that he often wore his safari hat while he did any history work, telling me that he was prepared to hunt out the information.

I focused on the three R’s during the elementary years. After all, how many times do we have to cover Medieval Times or the Boston Tea Party in elementary school? If students get a solid understanding of how to read and write, and they learn the basics of addition, subtraction, multiplication and division, then they have the foundations to build on those skills in the upper grades.

Now eventually, I had to let my older ones branch out into individual work as they entered high school. We just couldn’t do every subject as a group. But by that age, they were more able to do independent work and (for the most part) required less and less of me to complete their assignments.

This is what we want for our children in a home education. We are striving to produce independent learners who have a life-long desire to know more. It doesn’t always play out perfectly. Believe me, I know. I have had struggling learners and two with learning issues (which I like to refer to as just a personal way to process material that is out of the box). But we would try different learning strategies until things seemed to click better. Plus we always stressed the fascination with learning something new and tried to allow them to pursue many subjects in their areas of interest.

Did my children have gaps when they graduated? Of course. We all have gaps. We all don’t know everything about everything. But if they know how to find information and if they have a love for learning, then they can seek out information to fill any of those gaps as they continue in a career or in a college setting. They will be proactive and can take control of their learning.

So don’t fret if you feel that you just can’t seem to finish everything in your lesson plans each day. Try to consolidate when you can. Do some non-core subjects every other day or once a week. Revisit your plans again and again, praying for wisdom as you do.

And know that you are providing an opportunity to build a love of learning that will benefit your children for the rest of their lives, giving them the best possible academic tools for success. You are getting the important things done!