Why Being a Mom is Like Being Michelangelo

April 29, 2016

Several years ago I had the opportunity to travel to Rome and tour the city and surrounding parts of Italy. It is a beautiful country full of thousands of years of history. One of the things I saw that was very deeply imprinted in my mind was the Pietà sculpture by Michelangelo.

The Pietà is a carving of Mary holding Jesus after he was crucified. It is beautifully done with exquisite detail.

Just look at those amazing details. The draping of the clothes, the life-like skin, the musculature of each of the figures. Now look more closely and see the emotion conveyed on their faces. Standing there in front of it, my eyes teared up. I was filled with the emotion of the beauty of this sculpture and then what it was conveying to me. What a tender moment it portrayed.

Then I realized something. A rock was making me cry. A block of marble! What was up with that?

Well, think about the process the sculptor had to go through. Michelangelo carved this work of art out of a single slab. I can imagine him first making several sketches of his design. Then he hunted and hunted for the perfect piece of marble…one with the proper size and color. And then he got to work.

Being a mom is like that.

Now don’t stop reading…I’m not going crazy with my analogy here. Bear with me for a minute.

You see, when this great sculptor began his work, he had to start with hammers and chisels. It took great strength to constantly hit a chisel to break off just the right pieces of marble. The process took years, slowly etching and notching and sanding to alter the piece bit by bit.

He worked long days and often into the night to get it just right. Sculpting is messy and hard work. Michelangelo had to forge many of his own tools to help create the proper shapes and curves he was looking for. In fact, he had claimed that painting was superior to sculpture because of sculpture’s laborious, muscle-straining, dust-filled, mess-making work. But look at his results!!

Being a mom is like that.

We are given our children…little blank slates, if you will…that need training and care from the beginning. Our goal is to end up with the beautiful creation of a well-adjusted, educated, happy adult. So we begin the long process. We gather proper materials to help us in our work (think of how much research you did when you bought your first car seat). We work long days and often into the night. We have to deal with messes (LOTS of messes!) and things strewn all over. Training them requires constant, tireless, careful repetition. And if we get weary, we cannot allow ourselves to get sloppy.

One small wrong move for Michelangelo, and an ear might pop off! Then more work would be required to rebuild and reform the piece.

One unguarded word or frustrating rant, and WE have lots of re-working to do with our children, asking for forgiveness, rebuilding relationships. This mom-thing is often laborious, muscle-straining, dust-filled, mess-making effort!

But it is oh, so worth it!

You, Mom, are doing a beautiful work. After all, anything of great beauty or of great value requires hard work to produce it. Why would mothering be any different?

Yet it is even better. You are working to help your children grow in character and grace. You are training them to be productive adults and go on to live their futures. You are building beautiful relationships with them.

I know. Looking at them during those formative years can sometimes be difficult. We are standing amid the mess of our ‘great work,’ and it can be discouraging. We lose sight of the final goal because it seems so far away. Yet day-by-day time moves forward. You keep persevering. And, I promise you, they will grow up! Then you will sit back and recall those challenging, work-filled days and realize that it was well worth it.

So continue in your sculpture-building. Remember that any great work brings challenges and requires lots of effort. We will tire in the midst of it, but keep pressing on. You know that you will one day be able to look at your child as he or she launches from the home, and you can happily wipe your brow from a job well done. You are like Michelangelo!

Help! We Won’t Complete Our Curriculum Before Summer!

April 19, 2016

The tunnel’s end is right there. Can you see the light coming through? Yes, we’re almost out of it, and summer break is practically here!!

I was always just as excited as my children when summer break was near. We looked forward to slower days, a more flexible schedule, and sleeping in! Particularly when they were in middle and high school, summer breaks were opportunities to explore, get summer jobs, take trips, read (without assignments!), and even sometimes sleep in! (Can you tell I am not a morning person?)

But looming over me was the fact that, without fail, at least one of my kids will not have completed one or two of their subjects. That means we would have to continue into summer!!!

I didn’t want to. THEIR unfinished business meant that *I* would have unfinished business, too.

But over the years, I realized that sometimes, we didn’t HAVE to finish.

Sure, occasionally their extra lessons were a result of the student not doing his or her work to the best of their ability. They dragged their feet, and this meant they had the requirement of finishing their subject well. Thus, we studied into the summer.

However, other times, not finishing a book or curriculum plan was just due to the situations in the year. LIFE took over our weeks sometimes. We navigated sickness, needs of our parents, broken-down cars, washing machines, air conditioners, or whatever popped up to take over our days. And that was OK. THAT is a part of life and learning. But it always meant that we would get behind in our lesson plans.

And I am a box-checker.

I get some kind of crazy satisfaction out of checking off boxes from our to-do lists. Yes, I am one of *those* people who writes down an unplanned task after completing it just so I can check it off.

And I approached my lesson plans the same way. They were to-do lists that HAD to be checked off.

That was wrong.

Sure, lesson plans are very helpful for planning purposes. They help us to see what is ahead and how to implement our weeks and days.

But sometimes we need to move away from our plans. You see, kids develop differently. Sometimes your child will grasp a concept easily and can move on, and other times it will require days (…and days…and days…) for him to get it!

But that is one of the blessings of homeschooling. We can adjust our schedules (to-do lists) to best fit our child’s learning style. Sometimes we need to give them time to ponder, experiment, rest, and play. That means paring down a lesson or two.

Don’t worry that you may not always be covering a certain subject when the “standards” tell you that you should.

I remember reading from a science text with one of my kids, and we came to the topic of bats. It really sparked something, and this child wanted to learn much more about them. But the curriculum only spent a single paragraph on it.

I felt myself wanting to say, “Well, it’s nice you like to learn about bats, but we have this plan we have to follow and need to keep on going.”

What? I was wanting to tell my child he couldn’t learn about something he was interested in. Why? So I could check off a little box?

Thankfully, I didn’t. We took the rest of the week for a happy little rabbit trail of studying bats. We found bat books, bat videos, and practiced echolocating, too! Then we jumped back into our curriculum to continue on.

You see, lesson plans are good, but we need to let God rule our days.

Prov. 16:9 “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”

Inevitably, that means that for many of our subjects, we just won’t complete the entire textbook. And that is OK. You see, when things get crazy, or when we have a new revelation about how our child learns, or when we need a family emergency break, we have the freedom to do it. We can let God lead our days.

So if you are facing a few subjects that will not be completed before the end of the year, first assess whether they are due to a child not working to the best of his or her ability. If it is not because of that, then don’t force yourself to finish the final pages of every book you buy.

You can pick up where you left off next year, do a few pages through the summer as enrichment, or just go into a new book for a new semester when you are ready.

So plan your days, but let God lead them. And know that you are not going losing ground…you are making beautiful progress!

Don’t Forget to Laugh Together

April 13, 2016

When my kids were younger, I remember constantly having many things on my mind.

Simultaneously.

Today’s “to-do” list, dinner and lunch menus, where is the toddler?, soccer practice time change, gather the kids for read-aloud time, where is the toddler?, stop the dog from barking, fill the dishwasher and get it started, where is that toddler?

Life was busy, and my mind was as full as our overflowing laundry hampers.

So I would often get into a plow-it-through mode. Just keep moving through the day. Force yourself to get to the next task.

And that make-yourself-do-it attitude showed in my countenance and my heart. On days like that, I never felt fulfilled or even happy. I rarely even felt accomplished, even though I might have completed lots of things that day. And I could see that reflected in my kids, too.

They approached chores with sighs and frustration. They would sometimes bicker (yes. yes. my kids were not perfect). They certainly weren’t cheerful.

And neither was I.

The one thing that would snap me out of these drudge-filled days was God’s word. I know. This might start sounding like one of those exhortive essays telling you the answer is always to “Read the Bible and pray.” But though that may sound repetitive and cliché, I can’t tell you how true it is. In Christian circles, we have become numb to reading the Word. We hear it so often that it can become like white noise…background info.

But let me tell you. God’s word is true, alive, and pertinent. It is VITAL to true living.

And it imparts joy.

And this is yet another area where God’s word gives us truth! Indeed, I can tell you that laughter should be a critical part of our days. Many scientific studies have affirmed that a hearty laugh will make you feel better and improve your quality of life. In 2014, a study showed that people who laugh more often have better short-term memory and are less stressed. Laughter has even been shown to protect against heart disease.

But this is not new information. Proverbs 17:22 says, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

And in Proverbs 15:13, “A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.”

Good medicine and a cheerful face. Not a crushed spirit and dried-up bones.

During the course of your day, stop once in a while to take a moment or two to laugh with your children. Watch a YouTube video of baby animals. Grab a joke book (if you don’t have one, get one) and take turns reading jokes to each other. Teach your kids pig Latin or see who can balance a spoon on their nose.

Make an effort to laugh together, and you will be surprised at how quickly it will change the tone of your household and the countenance of your heart!

How the Dead Sea Teaches Us to Encourage Others

April 6, 2016

The Dead Sea is an interesting place in the world for many reasons. Sometimes called the Salt Sea, it is a hypersaline lake on the border between Israel and Jordan in the Middle East. Its surface is over 1,300 feet below sea level. That means it is Earth’s lowest land elevation.

Now, hypersaline is just a fancy word for extra, extra salty. The Dead Sea contains high concentrations of sodium chloride (table salt) and other mineral salts, making it waaay saltier than the ocean!

Because of all these salts, the Dead Sea is a harsh place to live. In fact, not many creatures can survive there…that is why it is called the DEAD Sea! So fish and aquatic plants don’t live there, (though a few bacterial species and microbial fungi can).

Why is the Dead Sea so salty? Well, because it has such low elevation, all the rivers and streams in the area flow into it. As river and runoff water flows over the land, it dissolves salts and other minerals as it goes, dumping them into the Dead Sea. But here’s the kicker…there are no rivers that drain OUT!

In fact, the only way water is removed from the Dead Sea is through evaporation. But when water evaporates, it doesn’t take the dissolved materials with it. H2O just leaves them behind. And in this part of the world, the excessive heat allows for continual evaporation. Thus, the Dead Sea is getting saltier and saltier. Because it has no outward river flow, any salts that make their way into this body of water are stuck there.

So we could say that the Dead Sea continually receives but never gives anything away. It is hoarding its salts. Yet that creates a dead environment inside.

Do we do that? Are we like the Dead Sea, always receiving but never giving anything out? Think about this in regards to your relationship with your spouse, your children, or your friends. Are you constantly taking? Are you hoarding? Do you not have any “river outflow?”

Yes, it is important that we take time to fill ourselves with encouragement. We need inspiration (and even praise) by others.  But when it comes to pouring out to others, we need to be intentional. It doesn’t come as easily to most of us. We need to be less self-centered and more others-centered.

Otherwise, we become like the Dead Sea. Filled up, but unable to support true life! Only by giving can we be truly fulfilled and have life-giving joy!

The Discovery of Unicorns and Their Biblical Importance

March 31, 2016

Recently, an interesting fossil animal skull was discovered. What makes it so special? It was the skull of a unicorn.

I’m not kidding.

Photo: Ghedoghedo/Wikipedia

For years, scientists have known about the existence of these animals. Siberian unicorns are an extinct mammal species that looked more like a rhinoceros instead of a horse. However, their horn wasn’t on their snout like a rhino, but instead, was on their forehead. So these guys looked more like beefed-up, furry horses with a large, single horn…fluffy, muscular unicorns.

This discovery of a skull in Kazakhstan is notable because it is carbon dated to exist much more recently than previously thought. Now, I need to mention that up until now they were believed to have roamed on the earth about 350,000 years ago, and this newly-found skull was dated at 29,000 years of age. That is significant.

But this post is not to discuss the accuracy of radiocarbon dating, (which is shown to be fairly inaccurate). In fact, I believe these guys lived on Earth much more recently in history.

I’m more interested in the fact that very real unicorns once lived on earth! Elasmotherium sibiricum was a large, furry, mono-horned mammal that was likely a grazer, feeding on grasses.

Now here is the cool part.

We actually shouldn’t be surprised that unicorns once roamed the earth. They are mentioned several times in the Bible. In the King James Version of the Bible, these creatures are referred to often. In fact, in several Bible translations, including Luther’s German Bible, the Septuagint, and the Latin Vulgate, the term re’em is translated to mean a one-horned animal. More modern translations typically translate this word as “wild ox.”

You see, many folks today have a problem with the Bible’s unicorns because we cannot think of a similar modern animal. However, a single-horned feature is found in both the rhinoceros and the narwhal. In the Bible, unicorns are referred to as real animals in the same context as donkeys, lions, horses, peacocks, and dogs (Job 39:9-12). And as the fossils give us clues to their muscular physique, it is no surprise that the Bible describes them as having “great strength” but unable to be tamed for pulling a plow.

In the passage in Job, their mention was to help Job to see God’s greatness. And using an imaginary animal would have defeated that purpose.

Yes, unicorns were real.

They skipped like calves (Psalm 29:6) and bled when they died (Isaiah 34:7).

There is even archaeological evidence in rock drawings of large, one-horned, equine-like animals. A report on these drawings details an animal with a “single horn, directly in front, about as long as one’s arm…it was not attached to the bone of the forehead, but fixed only in the skin.” 1

Indeed, this extinct giant one-horned animal supports the truths of the Bible as both God’s inspired Word and a true historical document!

  1. Edward Robinson, ed., Calmet’s Dictionary of the Holy Bible revised edition (Boston, MA: Crocker and Brewster, 1832), 907–908.

The Difference Between Building Character versus Self-Esteem

March 15, 2016

The importance of “self” is a popular concept in our modern western culture. Much of it is a heartfelt attempt to encourage people to realize how important they are. And that is good.

The problem is that this idea is often taken too far, especially with the coined term “self-esteem.” The idea of self-esteem has to do with how we value ourselves and how valuable we think we are to others. So to build up how a person feels about themselves, they are encouraged to surround themselves with those who lift them up and stay away from those who treat them badly.

In order to build self-esteem in students, schools and sports groups focus on making all experiences positive ones. Now, some of these are good ideas. Such as developing a student’s talents or encouraging them to make good choices without letting others force them into doing what they know to not be right.

But as this idea becomes the focus, students are surrounded by continuous rewards (even if the merit is not great). They are told to only do things they enjoy or things that make them feel good.

Now it doesn’t take much for us adults to see the problem with that. I, for one, do NOT enjoy doing my taxes. And changing dirty diapers is not my first choice for things that make me feel good. Some things in life (many things, actually) don’t make us feel good while we are doing them, but they are good for us in building strength (like exercising), fulfilling a greater purpose (like raising a child), or keeping us out of jail (like doing taxes)!

Continuous focus on self-esteem tells a student, “I am amazing!”

But when you drill into someone how amazing they are, they begin to take the position, “I am amazing, so what can YOU do for ME?”

That, my friends, feeds entitlement.

A better way to build up our children is not to fill them up with esteem for themselves but rather to build character in them.

What is character? It is the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. In the 1600s, character was associated with the sum of qualities that defines a person, including one’s intellect, thoughts, motives, temperament, judgment, behavior, and more. And the most critical quality associated with a person’s character was self-mastery, which is the control of an individual over his impulses and desires. Not the other way around.

Can you see how this is opposite of self-esteem? Self-esteem says “I want to do this because it makes me feel good…therefore I will do it.” Character says “I have a gut desire to do this, but I know it to have negative results…therefore I will NOT do it.”

You see, with self-mastery, or solid character, a person has control over himself and can direct his will and make his own choices instead of being controlled by his base impulses.

By building character in ourselves and in our children we learn that GOD is amazing, and I am special to Him because He made me and loves me. Character says I am special, but it is not because of anything I have done. It is because of what God has done.

Self-esteem says, “I am amazing, so what can YOU do for ME?” Character says, “I am amazing because an awesome God created me and loves me, so what can I do for HIM?”

See the difference?

One of the best things you can do for your children is to work to build character in them. Model it. Weave it into day-to-day activities. When you see someone behaving selfishly in public, explain to your children what would be a better way to behave.

And, of course, fill them with scriptural truths such as this one:

Science Shows Complaining Rewires the Brain to Be Negative and How the Bible Gives a Solution

March 8, 2016

It truly amazes me when science “discovers” a Biblical truth.

For example, I’m noticing more and more how people like to utilize social media in order to “vent.” They believe that if they get their frustrations out, they will feel better. But this can easily turn into complaining. Frustrated tweets, complaint-filled Facebook posts, or just lots of mad emojis. Our children are learning to do this, too.

Is complaining really a bad thing?

Well, it turns out when we regularly express our frustrations in public, we not only don’t feel any better, but we also make everyone around us feel worse, too.

It’s contagious…like coughing without covering your mouth when you’re in a room full of people.

And scientific research shows us why.

It turns out that continual complaining is bad for our brains and even our health.

First, in order for our brains to send signals from one nerve to another, a chemical has to cross the space between them. This space is called a synapse, and once the chemical crosses it, the electrical signal can continue along the next nerve.

But each time the electrical charge travels from one nerve to another, the synaptic space gets a little smaller. That means the distance between nerves is closer so that the distance the chemicals have to travel becomes shorter.

You see, our amazing brains actually adjust their circuitry, physically changing so that it becomes easier for commonly traveled synapses to share the chemical link and continue the electrical signals. That makes thought processes happen faster.

Kind of like the rapid thought memory built in once you memorize a vocabulary word. The pathways for that thought have been built, the synapses are shorter, and that specific thought process is easier to recall because you’ve used it a lot in order to memorize it.

So…if having a thought makes it easier to have that thought again, repeated negative thoughts make it easier to think of more negative thoughts. In fact, you might react with negative thoughts regarding some random idea that pops into your head because those negative pathways are well-traveled.

The more and more you complain or think negatively, you shorten those synapses so that when you want to form a new thought, the thought that wins is the one that has less distance to travel. Therefore you could react negatively to something just because that is the easiest way for your brain to process it.

Add to that the fact that when you are around other complainers, your brain tries out that same emotion in order to empathize with the other people.

Being around complainers actually makes you more likely to complain.

Finally, when your brain thinks negatively, believe it or not, your immune system is negatively affected, too. Your body becomes stressed. In response to that, it releases a hormone called cortisol which increases your blood pressure, affects learning and memory, lowers the body’s immunity, and increases weight gain and cholesterol build-up in the circulatory system.

All this was discovered through a research study, and their solution to this problem is using what they call the “power of positivity” or thinking positively. (Lohr, Jeffrey. The Pseudopsychology of Venting in the Treatment of Anger, Scientific Review of Mental Health Practice, 2007). They feel like we have the power within ourselves to pull us out of those depths. They’re basically saying, “Just STOP it!”

I disagree.

First of all, this is not a new discovery. It is, in fact, a Biblical principle. Philippians 2:14 says, “Do all things without grumbling or questioning,” and 1 Thessalonians 5:18 tells us to “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

We are told not to complain and to be thankful…even in times of difficulty. When we are given a directive in scripture, it is for our benefit, both to build maturity and for our overall health. In fact, we are also encouraged not to complain for the sake of those around us:

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29

Speaking uplifting words gives grace to those who hear them. So it follows that the opposite – venting – would bring others down.

That’s just what the study discovered!

But the Bible goes one further. It helps us to overcome complaining by building contentment.

The apostle, Paul, shares in Philippians 4:11-12 (my emphasis added):

“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.”

What is that secret? Paul tells us in the next verse:

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

You see, we can overcome our tendency to complain and bring those around us down by calling out to Christ for His strength. That will build contentment! That will bring health!

I want to end with this encouragement in Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 (again, my emphasis added):

“I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God’s gift to man.

So science is discovering what the Bible is already telling us: complaining brings us and those around us down. It is not healthful to our bodies. However, calling on the strength of Christ for contentment and joy in all our circumstances gives us an eternal perspective; We know God is in control and nothing takes Him by surprise. He is omniscient and loves us. We can bring our frustrations before him – that will bring contentment and build us up!

Are You Feeling Like a Barren Tree? Dormancy and Spirituality

February 24, 2016

It’s the end of February, and I’m sure many of you are counting the days until spring. Here in Florida, we don’t get cabin fever in the winter months…actually the weather is very lovely right now. But don’t hate me. We get our cooped-up feeling during the deep summer months, where we huddle inside our homes so we don’t completely melt away. It is only in the fall when we can finally open our windows and get outside again, after our summer-cabin-fever.

But we do get some of the same experiences as the rest of the North does. In the winter, plants slow their growth. Many of our trees lose their leaves. Things turn brown and appear dead.

Yet this dormant season is also a time of preparation. What I mean is, that although growth slows, things are still very active on the inside. You see, times of dormancy are when internal growth occurs.

Grasses, bushes, and trees are preparing inside for warmer spring weather, when they will sprout, bud, and bloom!

In the same way, we can go through SPIRITUALLY dormant “winters.” We can feel like God is being silent in our lives. There is no progress or future in sight. Life just doesn’t seem exciting, and from the outside we might feel that we appear spiritually dead. But that doesn’t mean nothing is going on. Remember, God is always upholding us and desires to transform us, making us more like Him.

You see, we need lots of internal, spiritual changes in order for us to be prepared for what God has for us in the future as he works to conform us to himself. He has an eternal plan for us, as well as a moment-by-moment plan. And part of that involves transforming us.

The transformation includes developing our inner character. During my life, I have experienced many challenges: serving sick and dying parents, building a relationship with my husband, financial challenges, illness, raising and training my children. All of these (and many more) required a level of spiritual strength that I did not have. But I always noticed that before times of struggle or difficulty, I had gone through kind of plateau. A time where I felt that not much was going on. A time when I had the spiritual blahs.

Yet, I kept plodding along, kind of like when we tell our kids to eat their veggies because they are good for them. One may not feel the benefit right away, but it is a good habit and good for the body.

Most of my dormant times involved reading my Bible like it was my “spinach” for the day. I didn’t really feel energized by it (Hey…I’m being truthful here…cut me some slack), but I knew it was good for me.

So when I was going through challenging times, I had those tools, those verses to hang onto. I felt closer to God, and I was able to walk through with a strength I didn’t know I had.

Several years ago, my father passed away. It was after a slow decline in his health over many years. But in those last months, he was in and out of the hospital. My days were filled with doctor visits, phone calls, moving him from an apartment to our house to an assisted living facility back to our house to the hospital, and of course, homeschooling. I had little time for amazing spiritual growth, and suffice it to say that my quiet times were sparse. My prayer time was often in the car. But I knew I needed it. I was in a dormant state. Seemingly existing. No buds or flowers growing here…

Now, nearly a year earlier, I had committed to speak at a large homeschool conference, and that date was rapidly coming closer. My father unexpectedly died two days before the conference. I was, of course, in shock. You really never are prepared for those things.

And I had this responsibility looming ahead. I had four workshops to give at a conference with an attendance of 13,000. The conference organizers were so gracious and were willing to cancel if I needed to, but for some reason, I felt a renewed strength. Me…an emotional mess when it comes to Hallmark card commercials. I just knew this was something God wanted me to do. And it was a blessed weekend. I had many women share with me how they were encouraged by some of the things I shared.

On the way home from the weekend, I broke down. That emotional mess finally came. And rightly so. But I completely credit the weekend’s control to God. For specific reasons, he gave me the ability to be strong when I needed it. And then I could begin grieving afterwards.

The point here is that I didn’t know what God’s timing was. I didn’t know what he had ahead of me. But I do know that strong character is critical to withstand trying times that come.

God has great plans for you, and if you’re not feeling like you are making progress, know that this is the time for preparation.

So what can you do? You can make a habit of being in God’s word daily. You can fill yourself with the nutrients you need in order to be ready for the “blooming” God has ahead. This takes discipline.

Discipline is like that dormant tree. It still stands firm, even though it appears dead. It churns inside, working its proteins and holding in its nutrients so that it is prepared to blossom when the time is right. Discipline involves consistency. Daily doing the next thing set before you.

It may not look exciting. It may even get boring. It might involve continuous diaper changing, meal preparation, disciplining that child for the seventh time on the SAME ISSUE.

But remember, God has amazing plans for your life. He desires you to be fulfilled in Him! He is working to transform you in to a beautiful creation. So though you may be feeling dormant, know that this is a time for internal growth. As the light shines, it will reveal that the beauty is still there.

If you’re feeling like life is stagnant, make sure you are standing in the LIGHT! God is indeed building and strengthening you inside!

The Child Who Challenges

February 16, 2016

Let me be perfectly clear. I am not ranting about a specific child of mine. I am not thinking about one of my own kids and baring all of our ugliness to the world. But I AM going to be transparent here.

This is coming from a compilation of struggles we have had over the years as parents-with-a-sin-nature parenting children-with-a-sin-nature. Do you know anyone else who struggles with that? It is easy to feel like I am the only one.

But this topic keeps popping up in conversations I am having with moms, and I think it is something we all need to think about.

What do we do when we have a child who challenges us? How should we react when they say they want to live life a different way than we do or they espouse different ideas than we have?  Heaven forbid our friends find out. What if the people at church notice?

Have we failed?

Of course, we all will have a child who will challenge us. One of the first words these sweet little ones learn after “Mama” and “Dada” is “No!”

I once co-taught a middle school Sunday school class, and we were learning about sin. We asked the students if they thought little children were born with sin. Almost simultaneously, all the students began to shake their heads, some of them verbally responding that they thought babies were born “good.”

All except one student. He was vigorously nodding his head “yes.”

Well, we directed the students to several verses describing our sinful nature, how we are all born in Adam, and our need for a Savior. But I wondered why that one teen was so sure we weren’t born with a good nature. It turns out he was the only one who had a very young sibling who was going through those challenging two- and three-year-old years. He saw first-hand how these little ones have a nature to challenge.

We all have likely experienced that with our little ones. That is socially acceptable, too. We call them the “terrible twos” or the “training twos” or whatever alliterative way you want to frame it. It is still challenging and an opportunity to train them up! And everyone around us gets it.

But what if you have one who fiercely challenges you in the teen years? What then? That is not so socially acceptable. We can feel hurt, rejected, and dare-I-say embarrassed?

What did we do wrong? How could we have done things differently so this wouldn’t have happened? What will our friends say?

Let me stop the question-roller-coaster right there.

First, we need to remember that we are given our children as stewards. We do not own them…they belong to the Lord who has graciously given us charge over them to train them up in His ways. And God, in his infinite knowledge, knows that I am not a perfect person. He knows I will mess up (a lot) and will not always say or do things in a godly manner. I will miss some of those teaching moments. I will react in a frustrated way. I will not always season my words with grace…

He DOES call me to be faithful, though. He wants me to be in relationship with Him. He wants me to be in His word. And I need to be lovingly striving to grow in grace as I do this parenting thing.

But it is NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY to save my children. That’s between them and God. If you have a child who moves out and is living in a lifestyle that is not God-honoring, of course you can be saddened by it. And you can discuss with them the potential consequences of their choices and what God’s word says.

But let me tell you, if you turn your back on that child, you have already decided that communicating with them is not an option.

No matter the extent of the challenges our children give us, can I suggest that we do what God does for us?

He pursued me while I was in my sin. He loved me, even when I didn’t consider His existence.

We need to pursue our children like that.

Love them. Engage them in conversations. Ask them why they believe what they believe. Yes, encourage them to understand what we believe and why. But know that often your children will go through a transition. They have ridden on the coattails of your faith while they were young, taking it on as their own. Yet there will come a time that they begin to transition that ownership to be ALL their own. And YOU CANNOT MAKE them think or believe the way you do.

You can pray. You can encourage. And, most importantly, you can love, love, love them. You can pursue them the same way our Lord pursues us. In our rebellion, in our selfishness, in our ignorance of His magnificence he continually follows us. He tirelessly wants to dialog with us.

Doing that with your older ones will help to keep those conversations going. It will display for them the unconditional love of God and your continual love for them.

We have great power in our words to build up and encourage them. Make it a point to build relationships with your children so you can continue to keep the conversation going as they grow up and become adults.

How Oysters Teach Us About Long-suffering and Irritation

January 27, 2016

Have you ever looked at a pearl closely? It is smooth, iridescent, and rounded. Pearls are made by oysters and some other mollusks, however oysters are the most common creatures to produce them. You see, when oysters grow, an internal organ called the mantle takes minerals from the oyster’s food and creates a material called nacre. Nacre is the material it uses to produce its shell. We sometimes call nacre “mother of pearl” because of its shiny and pearlescent appearance.

Occasionally a foreign material, such as a grain of sand, gets in between the oyster’s body and its shell. This bothers the oyster the same way that an itchy tag on the back of your t-shirt would bother you. So it secretes more nacre around the irritant, creating a smooth layer so it isn’t so scratchy anymore.

Now, many people will stop there and take this awesome illustration from nature to help us to see that we need to gloss over the irritants in our lives, either ignoring them or covering them over. The idea, then, is that the irritant would go away.

I would like to propose something else. If that smooth layer was enough to stop the irritation, why does an oyster keep producing its nacre? As long as the speck is still there, it will continue to bother the oyster, and the animal keeps secreting layer after layer, making the pearl grow. So, in effect, the irritant is magnified. The oyster continues to work on this aggravating situation, producing a buildup of coatings as it tries to stop the irritation. But the irritant only gets bigger.

So when you look at a pearl, YOU might see it as a gem or something of great value, but the oyster sees it as a memory of a big pain!

Now, we definitely have to deal with irritants in our lives, don’t we? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom?Mom?MOMmommomom.???

I digress.

Really it is more like when the washing machine leaks all over the kitchen, seeping into the drywall and causing mold. Or when we get a flat tire right as it is raining while we were on our way to take the children to soccer practice and Dad is out of town. How about the constant juggling of bills and budget? Or child training? Or dealing with a stressful job, or challenging family relationship?

I could go on, but you get the idea. There are lots of things out there that cause irritations. And ignoring them won’t make them go away. In fact, if we don’t address it, the sharp irritation will cause damage. So we deal with it the way an oyster does. It takes work and energy to change an irritant into a beautiful pearl. A pearl is a product of long-suffering. However, we will need to call to God for His strength and power in order to face it.

It also takes time. A lovely prized pearl isn’t created suddenly, but after layers and layers of mother of pearl, laid down for up to a decade. This process will have a long-term effect on the oyster.

Likewise, we wrap our irritation in perseverance, patience, or forgiveness, one layer at a time. We continue to lovingly discipline that child. We get on our knees, asking for wisdom as we deal with that challenging relationship. We work harder at organizing our schedule around trips to the laundromat until the washer is fixed.

This process will have a long-term effect on us. Producing a pearl makes us different than we were before. Indeed, we have created something that is precious, but we are changed because of it. We have gained wisdom from the continual challenge. The pearl’s presence is a constant reminder of the time we spent working on that relationship or training that child or dealing with whatever other irritants come into our lives.

And that pearl becomes precious to us.

Our pearls of wisdom, patience, or other treasures are produced because of the difficulties of life we face. Which is for our good.

So next time you see a pearl, remember that it was made because of a continual irritation. The irritation grew and grew as the damaging effects of it were covered over. It took work and it took lots of time. But it produced a valuable, beautiful result.